DivineThoughtsGirl

The dream felt so real. 

Know yourself

Well, I’ve always pondered through the idea of “Knowing myself”, but I’ve realized that I’ve never actually thought about it clearly. I thought knowing myself is the arrant fact of having the knowledge of what my favourite food is or what I like of dislike. But I was wrong. I truthfully don’t know myself yet. Certain events or words do trigger varying emotions in me, but realizing the source was and is always the last thing on my mind. Now, by reading this, you’d clearly realize that I’m not a very thoughtful person (well recently at least). I guess this is because through the events that I’ve gone through I have decided to just live life without a thought and through the past months my mind has not guided my body but rather my body guiding my mind. Well, this is confusing me right now, so hopefully by further analysis I would learn more about myself. 

I’ve recently scanned through my page and realized that the posts that I’ve put up are complete with depressing words and stories. Well that’s just a third of the story. This post would mostly focus on the positive views of my life.
  For example:
1. I have loving friends and family that I will take a bullet for, they might not know it yet, but I do get protective of them when a predator decides to prey on them. 

2. I have an adorable dog that just adds to the small pile of things that  bring out all of my emotions. Anger. Pity. Happiness. Love and some others that I don’t think is worth mentioning. 

3. I go to a school where people are filled with ego and self pride, but that’s what makes my school interesting and different (as in sometimes I do feel like reminding the students about physical existence).

Well the three points are definitely NOT half of what I am thankful for. But truth be told, humans mostly do emphasize on the worst things in life, we usually let the good things slide out of our hands and hold on tight to the bad ones. 

Hopefully that explains the reason as to why I mostly focus on the ‘dramatic’ times of my life. 

 

I saw Mr.Past today, I was hoping to ignore him throughout the whole event, but he unfortunately (or fortunately) greeted me with a few words and a fulfilling hug. It was comforting when it lasted, but reality did decide to drop by eventually. We walked on the rest of the night acting like strangers, I wouldn’t really say that not talking to him was a bad thing. We really were better off marching past each other without a sign of familiarity. The weirdest thing of all is that, at the end of the day, after all the occurrence that took place, I’m stuck lingering over this memory. Maybe it’s just a habit of mine to linger in my past, but bad habits do die hard, and I wonder if i’m stuck pondering through this memory due to some unfinished business. If it is so, I wish to finish whatever keeps me tied up in this. 

We never really do have the time to stop and think about what we’re feeling; and if we do, we just realize how much emotions run through our minds each and every second. These emotions may carry quite a few burden from the past, a handful of happy memories and a moment of excitement, but reminiscing through these days won’t do much good. 

January 1st 2012

First day of this year. I’ve got my eyes on someone, but I don’t think it will work out. So I’m going to focus on trying to be a ninja instead, I bet that’ll be way easier. 

Everything for Myself

The things that I would to have a shot at life, once again. 
If we were to relive, the days we spent without reason.
I’d bring light into my eyes, so I could see what is in front of me, instead of walking blind into the dark narrow hall that dragged upon eternity. 
I’d do what was right for me and know what I have done.
An action that might be forgotten in a bit is not a memory to be kept. 
This time I’ll do everything for myself and not turn on the path of future regrets. 

The Last Memory

We sat the in shadow of the big oak tree using the moon as the one and only source of light. I had lost track of time, but my instincts had informed me that it was about midnight, but what did time matter for? I was with you. Hours, months or years may have passed thus as long as you were with me, I could have subsided in your presence.  As we embraced, the silence grew louder; we did not need words to express our feelings, they just somehow radiated.

At that moment you had brought such euphoria in me that it drifted me off to a world where only you and I strolled the warm fields of a flower garden hand-in-hand, but of course, that was not where we were. In reality we laid down under the stars that shone so very bright and continued to lose track of time. I rested on your chest for support then looked into your eyes that wandered off into the endless sky. Those blue eyes that would drown me in affection and care, which had never once faded. “ Why did you take me here?” I asked. You looked down at me observably and revealed an angelic smile. “ Because this is where I would want to spend my last days with the one I live for,” you said with such normality in those words. In that very second It all came back to me; the trip to the doctor’s office earlier today that had confirmed signs of a tumor building up in your lungs. The thought of living without you brought sorrow in me; days would drag on feeling boundless if you were gone. “I love you, you know that right?” you said as you wiped tears off my face. Your touch was so weak that it felt like as if you would crumble to pieces before my eyes. I attempted to hold back my sobs but to no avail. “ I love you too…” I said as tears started to run down my cheeks. I knew you were still with me, but the feelings of grief came early and I started to feel empty.

Alternate Universe

In a universe different from the one we live on,
We walk the beach hand in hand;
Afraid to let go and lose the other.

We laugh at the past and predict our future,
and hope that time would slow down.

We don’t need words to express ourselves,
our presence radiated such emotions that words can’t explain .  

Being beside you brought me confusion 
because happiness drowned my mind.

We embraced one another with a love that was encrusted
in diamonds. Clear and strong.